As I have mentioned before, I am an engineer. I have a Bachelors degree in mechanical engineering and a Masters degree in Manufacturing Engineering. I started my career in manufacturing plants for consumer products (i.e. diapers, food, etc). It was not always easy being female and young in a manufacturing environment dominated by older males. I succeeded by balancing my technical capability with a humble leadership style. This served me well through several promotions, but the ultimate manufacturing position, as a plant manager, made me apprehensive. I was not confident about my abilities to take on the responsibility of being a plant manager and the direction my career was heading.
After getting married, I expected that kids would be in my future, so I started to re-evaluate my career path. I mentally decided that I could not perform as a plant manager with kids, since there would be more demands on my time. My husband reminded me that I would have good people working for me that would support me in daily decisions and I might actually have more autonomy from the top position. In theory I agreed with him, but it still felt incompatible.
When a plant manager position came open, I declined to apply, even though I was encouraged to put my name in by other leaders. I was planning to have kids soon and I did not want to be tied down to a new role or the specific location. I wanted to eventually move closer to my family that lived in another state after I had kids.
After my first baby was born, I started looking for another job. I found one that was not in the plant and closer to my family, but still related to manufacturing. I successfully got the job and moved my family. I was making a little more money because of the cost of living, but the position was less responsibility than I would have had as a Plant Manager.
In hind sight, I realize I only looked at the negative aspects of the plant manager job and my shortcomings, instead of being honest and open about the possibility. I had already demonstrated leadership of salaried employees and union personnel, so the increaed responsibility was not significant. I was already getting calls in the middle of the night, which probably would have reduced once I was in the plant manager position and had another manager working for me. If I had accepted the position, but wanted to move closer to my family after having kids, I could have left the company (which is what I did anyway). So, by leaning back and not having confidence in my ability to learn and adapt, I did not get a chance to prove my capability, to myself or others.
I do not know if a different decision would change where I am today, but it certainly would have given me a different experience. I hope that I will be open to other unique opportunities in the future.
Stay tuned. Next week I will share one of my "lean in" moments.
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